Does It Count

 

“Oh Hello…what have you brought there?”

I hold the plate of kid-baked,

decorated,

 ginger-bread cookies

 in front of her.

Eyes are shinny with expectation as she sits up

Gray hair, unusually clean, a little thinner,

But the same pale blue, opaque nightgown

And same flour-sack breasts shifting underneath

“I’ve been so worried…about my father…

He’s been sick you know”.Read the rest

Phantom Bat Wings

 

She kept me around

 on her pantry shelf

as she sucked another soul

glibly into her gullet

licking her fingers in feigned innocence

knowing I was there

 in despair

 

Clean hope was her enemy

It’s fresh scent leads prey off the trail

Into the thriving woods

Up the ridge and away from the bog she tends

 

Come and sit with me here

On the edge of the foul pond

Sit, chat,

 bear your pain to me

She sang in her siren’s song

 

Duped, drugged, and so thirsty

 with despair

we all went,

more than once

Letting her pick tidbits off

 for later use

when least expected

at the weakest moment

 Until unable to rise…

One after another,

 Scrabbling for purchase

On the oily rock of her heart

 

She rose up revealed,

 dripping

from dark pool of her grief

unhinged,

and as she swallowed them up

There was a moment of unity and calm surrender

A moment of peace,

 Until…

 

juicy needs digested

her blinking beacon drones back on

She’s got to have more

to swallow

Even if in madness

She sucks her own tail down her gullet

 

She was too good at what she did

And ran through her stock of lost ones

Stronger in her desperate desire

She casts her eyes for me

 again,

 

She stalks me through time

From bed

From the grave

From the mirror

But I dodge

 and weave

 and pray

slip away

into the now-day

And this time,

Her web comes up empty

 

Soon your phantom bat-wings will shake and juggle

No more

Read the rest

The Agony of Almost Perfect

I can hike and ski and walk and write and dig and lift and pull and plant and climb and fall and jump and roll

But I be will be sore, after

 

I have smooth skin, soft skin, long legs, tapering ankles, healthy curly hair, bright eyes, strong feet

But parts of me are drooping, wrinkled

 

I have a slow pulse, low blood pressure, no cancer, no diabetes, no chronic pain, and the muscles inside my pelvis are strong

But sometimes I do wait too long and dribble, a bit of pee

 

I have a job, I can set my own schedule, have a private office that looks out with beautiful light, I’m praised by my boss, make good money, and help people

But working hurts my soul

 

I feel my heart, and the past, the pain, I love my kids and they love me, and I have good friends

But I don’t have a special person, to snuggle with

 

I am surrounded by streams, and woods, and birds singing, and spirit, and willingness, and hope and everything I need today

But I still can’t settle and fully accept, peace

 

And I HATE that!Read the rest

My Yard

A Walk Around My Yard

 Giant bolder, giant Hosta

Snappy snap dragons

Rows of Rhodos

And pink Crabapple

A new Magnolia tree.

Peonies and iris

 spent daffodil and tulip stalks

a row of pointy Evergreens

with pale tips all over

Boston Ivy berm

And shady perennials

Grapes, wisteria

Courtland apple and white crabapple

Potatoes, broccoli, cauliflower

Squash, beans, tomatoes, herbs, onions chard, and strawberries

Roses, dahlias, gladiolas,

Daylilies, trout plant, and more peonies

Red bud trees, Blueberries, raspberries,

Asparagus,

Pumpkins

Lupines

A red Japanese Maple

Hydrangeas,

More Iris and Rhodos

Read the rest

Band-Aid Kiss

There’s the heartbreak wave

 sad and fresh

 that sweeps in over my rocky-sould

when love doesn’t work out.


There’s the horror-loss-heart

when assurance is ripped away
people,

always supposed to be

Aren’t

 and won’t ever again

 smile or breathe.


And there’s another

 Under-cover ache

Hanging around, lurking around

 waving across the night,

 just waiting.Read the rest

The Most Peace Needed

Just hang a left and pavement turns to mud and keeps them out

All except the most hardy

The most in need of peace

I pass the chained-off track to the pond

and I’m almost home

I’m almost to my first and only all-mine place to be

The timbers soar towards the chilly sky

 

I am remembering

Because I can’t see all that with my eyes from here,

 under these quilts

But I know it well.Read the rest

Ice

There was no ice where I was born

Then the giant’s took me to the cold.

 

They busied:

 Prepared for games, and conquering.

Child-me stared

up at the sun…golden

 Then down

 where it turned silver in the ice covered boulders

Wrapped, dripped around…

 

Ice grew out over the edge of the stream

 Crept and smoothed across the grit, sand, and pebbles.Read the rest